“i am finally seeing why i was the one worth leaving.”



a picture i got an A for in photo.


I have negativity flowing through my veins as of late. I dont know what it is. I’m just in “be an asshole” mode. I know i dont like posts like this, but hey, im in asshole mode. I dont care what you think about it. You probably stopped reading about 2 lines ago anyway.


Everything has gone to shit and i think im getting real sick. Not like im gonna get a cold sick or im gonna get the flu sick, but i just might die sick. im anti-deathtalk too. fuck em. i took a cold shower becuase i was all hot and what not. My nose started to bleed like a motherfucker while i brushed my teeth. Not because of picking, but just because. i felt dizzy afterwards and couldnt walk straight. I felt that if i got some rest, i wouldnt wake up from it. This has been happeneing a lot in the past few months. Dad is worried that im gonna die,but hes just pessimistic like that. My brain is bleeding to death. Everything i keep inside of me and away from you came out of me in the form of a nosebleed, and man there was a lot of blood.


This depressing post continues my friends. I never open up to any of you and it has been suggested that i do so. Its starting to make me sad. I’m usually one to try to cheer someone up, but i dont have the energy to do that anymore. I have no cool street art for you. Sorry.


Its all on the fence. I lack motivation and drive. Im on a path of self destruction and there are few who can save me. I only stick around for them. i found myself venting by screaming at the top of my lungs at the night sky. that was kinda nuts. Its all kind of nuts. i have no direction and dont know if i want what i want for the right reasons. i dont deserve that kind of attention anyway.


The only one that makes me feel like its worth sticking around doesnt know what it does to me to know that they wish of better days. Im waiting for my blankets to be done drying so i can goto sleep. I havent washed the softest one yet. Im afraid ill fuck it up. Supersize me was good. Valerios bakers pick their noses. This post is going no where. i like japan tea. i want you to know, hes not coming back. Go do something productive and positive while i drown myself in negativity and sadness because im done complaining to a crowd that cant read more than one paragraph. Dont be intimidated by an abundance of words.


|mood| Its finally tomorrow today.

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12 Comments

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12 responses to “

  1. i read more than one paragraph. actually.. i read it all. you’re a great writer, and that’s what has earned you my respect. and what you’ve written has earned you both an increased interest and increasing concern. dude.. u sound like your world is ending.. what’s the deal? go to a doctor, do what u gotta do to feel better, and keep me updated. and i love the postal service quote.. they’re what bonded us in the first place.

  2. dc sleeps alone tonight…man, great song. and that quote relates to many on many levels. i know i can. i barely know you but i extend a consolation to you and i hope you feel better. and i don’t have dsl so i can never see your photots. and i can’t spell photos. do you have an SLR or a “digicam”? haha. well, hope you get into “feel better and don’t wanna be an asshole mode” soon. peace.

  3. dvd

    asshole mode? hahah were u the one that took that other table’s chair without asking ahahhahahahahah.. *tap tap, uhh thats ours* “oh ok”….BOO URNS BISHES..

  4. aw paul cheer up! i know how that feels though. i get like that, a lot, actually. it’s just hard to just let yourself be when you are around a million people all the time. but you know what? just think of something funny. oh i got one for you, maybe you forgot about this one, or at least i hope you did…remember in the sixth grade and me and dwight were going out and my stupid mom made me go to daycare and you and dwight and i think it was either david or laurence would come to daycare and see me? yeah i hated those times. i was so embarrassed that my mom stuck me there with the babies. and i remember how the first time you guys showed up i either tried to hide or i tried to ignore you guys. what a great pal i was. haha anyways, chin up paul and take it easy =)

  5. aw paul cheer up! i know how that feels though. i get like that, a lot, actually. it’s just hard to just let yourself be when you are around a million people all the time. but you know what? just think of something funny. oh i got one for you, maybe you forgot about this one, or at least i hope you did…remember in the sixth grade and me and dwight were going out and my stupid mom made me go to daycare and you and dwight and i think it was either david or laurence would come to daycare and see me? yeah i hated those times. i was so embarrassed that my mom stuck me there with the babies. and i remember how the first time you guys showed up i either tried to hide or i tried to ignore you guys. what a great pal i was. haha anyways, chin up paul and take it easy =)

  6. Anonymous

    You have such…comforting friends! Go Paul.That picture took waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to show up, buddy.Anyways, I won’t tell you to cheer up because I’m also in -ass hole-mode.Go us, let’s throw a party.

  7. yea i get into more of “fuck the world” mode and sometimes “bitch” mode… i know how you feel. except instead of nosebleeds id get stomachaches… for months. … i got worried that something was actually wrong with me but then i just calmed down and stopped stressing out my mind n body and then i got a lot better. except i didnt give a shit so much im failing a couple classes. but hey you gotta do what you gotta do to get better. so theres my 2 cents. maybe it helped. maybe it didnt. but get better soon

  8. Anonymous

    oh paul. we should go get ice cream and play in a playground. live like the days when we had no cares. as for the nose bleeding…freaky stuff, used to happen to me, too. as for thinking you’re going to die, this is my take on it, the day you’re already dying, living is just delayin the inevitable. and i do read more than one paragraph…but only the one’s posted by the cool people. i.e., you. -=)

  9. Anonymous

    Picture is nice. Shadows are always fun. I really hope you aren’t dying. Sounds like life is bLah, but at least you don’t have glue decaying your fingers. ;)

  10. i am slowly degrading myself as well, but i try to ignore it. well, you got an A on your photo and i always read your xanga last (because the “save the best for last” cliche is true of course) so you must be doing some little things right at least. it’s the little things that matter most anyways. don’t let your body destroy itself. and although i don’t know you, i’m still wishing for you to cheer up and get better…and that’s not meant in a creepy way; just a sincere thought :)

  11. Anonymous

    you are so wrong my brother man….I definitely read more than one paragraph.  I know by me telling you to cheer up is probably not going to help but look at how many people that cares about you.  Yes it’s true…everyone goes through shitty times cause i know i have and shit started again for me couple days ago.  You have a lot that’s ahead of you but you probably just don’t know yet.  I really do hope you get better soon but if you ever need anything….just let me know. SMILE! =)

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