A reason to come back.

Dear Cassandra,

It is a terrible feeling to know that youve helped me so much and i could do nothing in return. No one thinks that xanga is a place where you would actually meet genuine people. I started this blog just to post pictures and express my artistic side, but once things started going well for me or not so well for me, it  was pretty hard to keep my moods out of my posts. When i was up, you were encouraging. When i was down, you told me to keep my head up. Its hard to believe that someone who ive never met could have such an impact on my life with just a few encouraging words. i wish i couldve done the same for you. its sad how it takes such a tragedy to wake people up and realize how lucky they are to just live. im sorry that you felt that you had to do what you had to do. never be afraid.

-Paul.

Its a terrible feeling to have when the death of someone makes you appreciate your life. The cliche quote kicked in once i heard the news. “live life to the fullest, youll never know when it will end.” Someone ive never met, seen, or spoken to has gone and there is nothing i can do about it, but that feeling in me still lingers. The feeling of what couldve been. What i couldve done. if i couldve done anything to make you change your mind. i should tell the important people in my life how i truly feel about them, you never know, i might not be around to do so or they might not be around to hear it. i probably wont. ive got to get out there and do something about my life. no use sitting around drowning myself in my own sorrows, even though they have no comparison to what people with real problems have to deal with.

|mood| i dont know what to say.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “

  1. Anonymous

    I know what you mean.

  2. humanity needs to be reached at it’s fullest potential. you’re a good man. what you can do about a person who has passed is ALWAYS remember them and keep them close to your heart.

  3. i don’t really know what to say either. but i’m very much like a typical boy with my emotions, and it took everything i had to keep from bawling when i read this because there were a bunch of people around me.
    i’m sorry you had to come back to xanga in such a way. i have no clue what your situation feels like, and i won’t even pretend. i’m sorry that your friend isn’t here anymore, even if it wasn’t someone you didn’t know in “real life.” it was someone you connected with, and that’s what a friend is, no matter where or how you meet them. self-destructive people are self-destructive, no matter the environment or the people they’re around. they cannot help what genes they obtained, and neither could you. think about her, but try to not dwell on the negative and what COULD have happened if you did things differently. think of her in life and not in death.
    i’m sorry this is so cliche, but i just typed the first things that came to mind.

  4. Anonymous

    Dear Paul,
    I was her best friend. Is, was, is. “Doesn’t matter” I lie. She told me you reminded her of her brother, I suscribed to you just because of that. I’m just stupid for her I guess. I don’t think I ever left a comment though. She woke me up to. Paul, I’m glad we are no longer sleeping then.
    Alessia.

  5. Anonymous

    ^in response to oxymoron’s comment,
    she struggled so much because she thought this was innate. i believed she was going to shine more than just the side people saw.
    thank you paul.

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